??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
