sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
