I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
