I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
