My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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