I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I stole a fireplace last night.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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