I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
