my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
