The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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