Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
