I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I need to calm my uterus...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
