Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Randomize
