Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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