I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
