My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
