You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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