I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
