he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
