Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
