i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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