I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I would ride that face into the sunset
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
