its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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