Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
