I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
