Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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