My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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