WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
