1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
