I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
