I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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