Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
