You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Holy shit dude........stairs
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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