Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
