Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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