you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
