Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
