the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
