those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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