i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
