I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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