She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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