Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
