Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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