it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
