I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
my poor anus
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
