I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
