Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
