I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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