you guys were way drunker than both of me
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
