I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
