Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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