You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
